Diffident

This was the hardest strip to draw, it took a month before I could but it to paper (well screen). It was the start to a horrible month, Beginning with the death of my beloved cat of seventeen years, and ending with a flair up of my metal illness at the most inconvenient time (of which I am ashamed of my behavior during this time, I don’t like making people uncomfortable [even when I am uncomfortable]).

As I said my cat, Mao, who was with me for approximately seventeen years give or take passed away due to cancer in late September. She was a great companion and never left my side, she was abandoned after she had kittens and was basically left for dead. She survived, her kittens didn’t.. my brother and some friends of his found her and got in touch with me to see if I would take this poor soul in, I agreed, I was there to comfort her and give her a loving home, and I would like to think I did. That. She was there for me as well. in fact she helped me through many dark times in my life; depression, stress, and most importantly COVID.

I didn’t take her death well, and made it worse by suppressing those sorrows (because let’s face it even in today’s society men who deal with their emotional state are still looked down on). While I was ignoring my grief, things started piling on in my life, and I wound up unable to anything other than sleeping and working, I couldn’t bring myself to do anything more than just sit and watch tv. All the while I grew more irritable and short tempered (not a good place to be).

It all exploded a little while ago and ended with me collapsing in tears when I decide to look for a new cat. All thoughts emotions i bottled up burst out, amplified over time.. “how can I get a new cat went I couldn’t take care of Mao”. (Again 17yrs together) and the reality of her absence. Finally hit me, hard.

I don’t think I have publicly thanked my brother for his hand in having Mao in my life, but he gave me a wonderful friend who was in my live a long time, but far too short to me.. thank you David.